$#*! my kid says

John David has been saying some hilarious things lately.

He has learned that he cannot open items in our grocery basket until we pay for it first. When he gets a toy or is allowed to hold onto something we are buying, he sometimes has to be reminded, "Don't open it. We have to pay for it first." So at Target last week we were standing in line when he reached inside my purse, pulled out a Mum Mum for Rex that I had stashed there, held it up in front of everyone and said, "Mommy! You have to pay for it first!"

I froze. Oh the horror!

Luckily the cashier knew I hadn't stolen it and said to John David, "Oh you don't want to pay for it twice, that would be silly."

Phew.

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Several weeks ago we were at the library and John David found a toy train named Percy (a friend of Thomas the Train) in the play area. He played with it the entire time we were there and when it was time to leave he didn't want to put it back. Finally, I wrestled it away and set it back down on the train table. Ever since then, he has told Daddy that "Mommy threw Percy."

For the record, I did not throw Percy. I did not toss Percy. I did not do anything that could have even been construed as throwing.

But John David loves to say, "Mommy threw Percy."

Last week when we took Rex to his six month check up, Dr. Kim asked John David how he was doing. He told her, "Mommy threw Percy."

Sigh.

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John David's had a love affair with dog food for a long time. We always feed Dolly after he goes to bed and I try to pick up her dog bowl before he comes downstairs in the morning. But sometimes he gets his hands on it and munches it. I tell him, "That will make your tummy hurt." He doesn't care.

So a few nights ago he was sick and throwing up. I was nursing Rex and he crawled up into my already crowded lap and said, "Mommy it hurts inside my tummy," and two seconds later he threw up all over me, Rex, himself, and the couch. He managed to get vomit all down my bra. Blech! Poor pumpkin ended up vomiting a total of 8 times in the next few hours. He sat limp in my lap at one point, looked up at me and said sheepishly, "Mommy, I eat dog food."

Ahahahaha! He thought all that dog food finally caught up to him. Alas, it was definitely not the dog food. David had the same virus earlier in the week and later in the evening I got sick suddenly as well. Must have been some 24 hour bug because we both felt better the next day.

But the question remains---will he eat dog food again?